Plane to Paris, February 18th

Yesterday morning I found out about what has happened recently at Saint Mike's. I didn't know what to say. The death of a young person might be one of the hardest tragedies to endure, especially when you are also a young person. How many times had I even seen him, 3 or 4? But it feels like a family member has died, because I can only imagine how his family and everyone at Saint Mike's is feeling and my heart has felt so heavy for them. It's terrifying to me to think that someone at SMC could feel so alone, and I know that our family will never be the same. I have been thinking about all of the people that I have not been kind to, and realizing ways that I can change my thoughts and actions to take better care of others. Life is too precious to spend one second uncomfortable. I think I've "grown up" in leaps and bounds since starting college - I am less selfish, more globally oriented, much more conscious and sensitive to the world and the people around me, and less emotional - but there are still a lot of times where I don't do all that I could do to take care of others. Since coming to Spain, I have realized that I have spent a lot of my life wanting to "grow up." So many people have always told me how "mature" I am, and I have been so proud of how independent I have always been, but sometimes it seems like I've forgotten to be young. In Spain, Charo, the faculty at the school I teach at, the BU people, everyone is always saying "eres joven, eres joven" - you are so young, you are so young. I never thought that 21 was that young - but I think the Spanish are right - what am I rushing anything for? I want to spend the rest of my time abroad just being young. Not everyone gets to enjoy their youth - it would be a disgrace to do anything but be young while I am.