Don't panic.

Here is what no one told me about study abroad: I was going to freak out.

I read the pamphlets about culture shock. I know Spanish. I am an independent, self-sufficient, confident person. I was prepared. I packed pretty well, I had plans and goals for what I wanted to do here. Yet despite this, I spent most of yesterday in such an uncomfortable, panicked state, crying on and off and not sure of anything.

The first two days we were here we stayed in a hotel, moved around in huge groups, the helpers (ayudantes) from the program helped us with everything, and it felt basically like we were on a school field trip. So I was excited to move into my señora's house yesterday and start to get actually acclimated. What I didn't realize would happen is that once it started to set in, I panicked. I spent most of yesterday wildly stressed out. I compared meeting all these new BU people to coming into college during orientation, except for I was never this nervous about meeting people when I started college. It was a nervous, panicky stress that I wasn't comfortable with. I was worried that if I didn't want to go out all night I wouldn't be able to make friends. To my surprise and good fortune, when I explained that I wanted to ease myself into this kind of life, everyone was really receptive, and a few other people even went home early-ish last night as well. I think I just had a moment of crisis where I couldn't figure myself out or what I was doing here, and considering I am usually very comfortable and do what I want, it made me completely panicked that I couldn't just do that here. I am feeling 100 times better today, but I'm sure I'll have more moments once school starts, I just hope that the worst is over. I'm going to do what I want to do when I want to do it, and everything will be fine.

If I've learned anything so far it's that I'm not invincible, just because I want to be here and have wanted to be here does not mean I'm going to feel perfect about everything right away and that's fine.

Today we walked around El Parque de Buen Retiro which is kind of like Central Park of Madrid, and is beautiful. Charo, my señora, said that now it's not even a good time to go because it's not springtime, so I can only imagine how good it will be in a few months. I can't wait to have time to explore these places on my own and see everything better.

Tomorrow classes start, and I actually decided to switch practically all my classes so... we'll see how that goes. The Director said I can go to whatever classes I want, so I will.

I like lists, and I have been thinking about this in terms of lists so before I go to get notebooks and explore, here are a few lists of things that I have noticed/things that have happened:

1. Madrileños really like PDA. Like, right next to you. On the bus. And it makes no one uncomfortable.
2. Don't try to find the button for the crosswalk, because there isn't one, it's just automatic and you look silly.
3. You also look silly when you don't know that you need a bag for your items at the mercado.
4. You also look silly when you can't tell the difference between a 1e and 2e coin and you get confused at the register (caja).
5. Ham is everywhere.
6. Even little children are dressed nice.
7. I have not gotten lost on the metro once.
8. I have tried every food.
9. I lost my watch, but successfully bought a new one.
10. I can already feel like my Spanish is getting better.


Vale. Voy a explorar. Abrazos.